Not Just Me: Redefining Success Without Exceptionalism
On generosity, reciprocity, and rejecting the solo rise
In a world that rewards standing out, individual success is often mistaken for inherent worth. We’re praised for “making it,” climbing ladders, being the first, the only, the best. And yet—what is lost when we chase visibility without connection?
What happens when our professional culture confuses self-growth with self-centeredness?
I’m interested in something else. Something slower, more relational. A practice of shared success—where we move away from exceptionalism and toward community care, interdependence, and acknowledgment of all the people who carry us.
If you’re also feeling weary of the pressure to always promote yourself, here are a few ways we can start to change the culture—together.
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1. Shift the Intention
From: “How do I stand out?”
To: “How do I bring others in with me?”
This isn’t about disappearing or playing small. It’s about rejecting the myth that success must be solitary. Uplifting others isn’t just a nice thing to do—it’s a political and relational act. Your platform can be a portal, not just a pedestal.
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2. Name Names (with Consent)
Visibility is currency. Share it with intention.
Acknowledge the people who shape your work:
• Mentors and elders
• Colleagues and co-conspirators
• Friends whose emotional labor sustains you
In a post or presentation, you can say:
“I want to name the person who taught me how to work with trauma in an embodied way—@Name. Their framework changed how I show up.”
Give credit not out of obligation—but as a form of reverence.
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3. Use Your Platform as a Megaphone
Share someone’s brilliance without needing something in return. Not a trade. Not a collab. Just because their work deserves to be witnessed.
Try:
• “If you’re looking for a trauma-informed yoga instructor, @Name is one of the best I know.”
• “This piece on grief by @Name really moved me—please read it.”
Let your feed or newsletter be a space of amplification, not just self-expression.
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4. Redirect the Spotlight
If you’re invited to speak or take on a project and you’re unavailable—or not the right fit—recommend someone else. Especially someone from a marginalized group, someone newer, or someone not yet “on the radar.”
Say:
“I’m honored by the invitation and want to recommend someone whose voice deserves to be heard—@Name.”
Follow through. Make the intro. Share their context. Help them land softly and confidently.
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5. Collaborate Without Competing
You don’t have to do it alone.
• Co-create a series with like-minded colleagues
• Co-host events that center shared values
• Rotate posts or resources across platforms
• Share leadership, not just logistics
When we build together, we build something more sustainable—and far more powerful.
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6. Decenter and Listen
Sometimes promoting others means not speaking.
Sometimes leadership looks like stepping aside, or holding the door open without walking through.
Say:
“I want to hold space for voices we haven’t heard yet.”
or
“This isn’t my lived experience—I want to make space for those directly impacted.”
Be the person who creates room. Especially when systems have already centered your voice.
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7. Build Reciprocity Into Your Culture
Don’t wait for a milestone to give someone their flowers. Let reciprocity be a way of life.
• Shout out the behind-the-scenes helpers
• Credit the admin, assistant, or intern
• Leave unsolicited testimonials
• Write the recommendation first
Let honoring others be a daily practice, not an afterthought.
Practicing visibility that uplifts, not overshadows
Behind every milestone is a web of care: the friends who texted encouragement, the mentors who affirmed our worth, the communities who held us when we faltered. The myth of the self-made person is just that—a myth. And the sooner we name that, the sooner we can stop pretending and start practicing something far more sustainable: interdependence.
This is a call to shift the culture. To move with intention, to build in community, and to use our visibility not for perfection—but for connection, care, and collective power.